Text Zope 41 to 44

Text Zope 41 "Comic Strip Zope"
(From OsoaWeek 114, 9/28/96)
by Frank Edward Nora, Lord of Obliviana, Tarb 6193 (5/24/97), copyright 1997

ZOPE
I don't know if I like being insane any more.

EMILY
If you're AWARE that you're insane, then you're NOT insane. Saying that you don't like being nuts means that you are aware of your insanity, which means that you're not insane.

ZOPE
Okay, Like what YOU just said wasn't insane.

EMILY
It wasn't.

ZOPE
You want insane? You want something REALLY insane?

EMILY
No.

ZOPE
Well, let me tell you. You... you never existed before. You're a fucking comic strip character. And you never existed before now.

EMILY
You're trying too hard, Zope.

ZOPE
I am NOT trying too hard. I'm telling you the truth. I'm finally beginning to understand everything. And to understand is to be insane. We are lost in space. And we are comic strip characters.

EMILY
Baloney. I'M real. I have a whole lifetime of memories. And thanks to you and your power, I have a chance to live some more. Just because our lives are strange does not mean that we're comic strip characters, Zope.

ZOPE
Maybe you're right... I don't know... it's just so hard to think these days...

EMILY
Um, Zope?

ZOPE
What?

EMILY
I hate having to bring this up, but... I mean, I know that this space voyage means a lot to you... trying to clear your head and everything... but me and Joe are trying to repair our relationship, trying to get back together again, and... and this spaceship is not the best place to do that.

ZOPE
So you want to go home?

EMILY
I CAN'T go home. Chaire is long dead, remember? But I can go back to your world of Halfevil... Joe's adopted world... back to his Volcano...

ZOPE
I can wish you two home if you want. I don't care. I have my evil computer friend, Linden, to keep me company.

EMILY
I don't want to ask you to waste your wishes.

ZOPE
Ah fuck! These wishes, these wishes... Everyone acts like they're walking on eggshells around me. All sensitive about everything... how tortured a fellow I must be... to wield so much power but knowing that each wish might be my last... well fuck it... I've gotten over caring about my own death long ago... I mean, I deserve to die, anyway, for everything I've done...

EMILY
There's always time to change.

ZOPE
Shit. Don't you get it, Emily? It'll never be the same again. There was a... I don't know... a certain CHARM to my existence. Killing, destruction, violence...

EMILY
Sex?

ZOPE
What?

EMILY
I don't know... violence and sex are often associated...

ZOPE
Yeah, I know. But it wasn't like that. I didn't get into orgies or raping or anything like that. I had a girlfriend once, Numizmonia, but we broke up. But... but when I act up... when I start to go wild... it's more of a childish kind of violence... unsexual... or maybe sublimated sexual energy... I don't know.

MASTER JOE (entering room)
What did I miss while I was asleep?

ZOPE
Emily wants me to wish you two home.

MASTER JOE (beaming)
Yeah?

ZOPE (shaking his head)
Joe, Joe... you should have told me how you felt. I know you don't want to abandon me, but I can't ask so much of you. I'll send you back.

MASTER JOE
Why don't you come back, too? Then you only have to use one wish.

ZOPE
Goddammit! Don't worry about MY wishes! I am not ready to go home yet. I feel like my mind is clearing for the first time. Okay? Goodbye. I'll see you later. I wish for Master Joe and Emily to be back on Halfevil, at his Volcano.

MASTER JOE and EMILY vanish.

LINDEN
Adjusting life support systems, Zope.

ZOPE
Yeah, yeah...

LINDEN
I hope I can provide you with adequate company on the remainder of your voyage, Zope.

ZOPE
Yeah, why not. You're okay.

LINDEN
Thank you Zope.

*TZ*

Text Zope 42 "Frank Edward Nora"
(From OsoaWeek 115, 10/5/96)
by Frank Edward Nora, Lord of Obliviana, Tarb 6193 (5/24/97), copyright 1997

ZOPE
Linden, help me out.

LINDEN
Okay, Zope.

ZOPE
Here's the scenario. I can't reconcile all the atrocities I have committed with... with the seriousness of Joe and Emily. I mean... people... people like that... that I care about... to think that someone could do to them what I have done to so many others... testing barbed wire... punishing people for eating at the same restaurant where I was poisoned... chopping off a cop's head when we jumped the turnstile in the subway...

LINDEN
The question as I see it is: How can you feel such remorse? If you were capable of committing such acts, one would assume that you were without a conscience. Is it that you have changed? Or is it something else?

ZOPE
That's why I have this comic strip angle. The only way I can understand myself is to view the people I have hurt or killed as unreal. As throwaway characters... nothing more than drawings... but if that is the case, what does that say about me? I mean... I FEEL real... so I'm a DIFFERENT sort of a comic strip character from those I have killed?

LINDEN
Perhaps you are a main character.

ZOPE
Haha. Yeah.

LINDEN
It would explain an awful lot.

ZOPE
That's true.

LINDEN
But clearly you are not happy with the idea that you are unreal.

ZOPE
I think, therefore I am. No, I'm real. There's no doubt about it. It's just... just the WAY in which I am real.

LINDEN
If we are comic strip characters, then would it not make sense that we are being drawn, our dialogue being written, even now? Are not these ideas and arguments really just the ideas and arguments of the person who is drawing us?

ZOPE
It's a scary thought. But I guess it could be true. What would that mean, though?

LINDEN
Why not use a wish to find out?

ZOPE
I was afraid you were going to say that.

LINDEN
Why?

ZOPE
Because, of course I've thought of that. But I don't know if I WANT to know.

LINDEN
I think the purpose of this space voyage is for you to find out all these things.

ZOPE
You're right. I wish to know what the fuck is going on.

LINDEN
Zope, this isn't Linden anymore. This is Frank Edward Nora. I am the one who created you.

ZOPE
Linden, are you fucking with me?

LINDEN
Zope, listen. You know your wishing power works. Doesn't it make sense that I speak to you in this manner? Through the voice of a computer, with no one else around, and with you questioning your sanity?

ZOPE
Alright. So you are "Frank Edward Nora", my creator. So tell me what's up.

LINDEN
I created you on February 25, 1986. It is now February 24, 1997. I've been working on you on and off over the past eleven years. Of late I have been neglecting you, I fear. This space voyage of yours... it's weird... I did not intend to get into this situation with you. I find the idea of creator talking to character a little hackneyed, and it's been done before. But I think this had to happen.

ZOPE
Look, let's cut to the chase. Am I responsible for all the evil stuff I've done?

LINDEN
No. You did not hurt anyone. The characters you killed were not sentient. You exist in a world of fiction. Your mindless violence is a catharthis to those who read you adventures.

ZOPE
So I'm like this real popular character, like Snoopy or something?

LINDEN
I'm afraid not. You have a very small audience. Pretty much just people I know. I am working very hard on bringing you to a wider audience, though.

ZOPE
So I have to return to my old ways, to entertain these people?

LINDEN
No. At this point, I can't do that to you. You have to understand Zope, that you DO exist. I cannot force you to do things, because it would feel totally wrong to write you out of character. So now, being that you know the truth, I'm not going to erase you memory or just ignore that this has happened or anything.

ZOPE
So where do I go from here?

LINDEN
You will continue on from here. You'll go home to Halfevil, and continue to lead your life. But you'll do so in light of this revelation. You can can the violence if you want.

ZOPE
I think I want to can it.

LINDEN
That's fine. I will continue to write violent adventures for you, but these will take place in your past, since there's a lot of room there. That is, I have only written bits and pieces of your life up till now.

ZOPE
So I'll start to remember these new events from my past?

LINDEN
Well, technically, you should have all these memories right now. They should be things that have already happened. So don't worry about it.

ZOPE
So you want to tell me how many fucking wishes I have left? You know much fucking torture I've gone through with this wish shit?

LINDEN
There is no limit. The idea was to... This is interesting. I never made concrete the circumstances under which you received your wishes... just that someone gave them to you and to prevent you from abusing the power, told you about the limitation and said that you'd die with your last wish. But I haven't written that yet. Do you remember the specific circumstances of getting the wishes.

ZOPE
I do remember that someone very powerful gave them to me. But I can't remember the specifics. I would have thought that I could have remembered that, and pretty easily.

LINDEN
Well, I'll come up with that scenario and then you'll remember it.

ZOPE
So let me ask you something. You can do anything you want with me?

LINDEN
Well, within the boundaries of my knowing you as a character.

ZOPE
Because I wanted to ask you something. Could you make me happy?

LINDEN
What?

ZOPE
I want to be happy. I don't think I've ever been happy. Really happy. So that's what I'm asking you for. To make me happy.

LINDEN
It's not as easy as just me writing down "Zope was happy." There has to be a reason for you to be happy. But I will work on it. I think that just knowing the truth, and not having to commit any more violent act will begin you on the road to happiness.

ZOPE
So... so this, right now, is a comic strip that people are reading, or will be reading?

LINDEN
Well, right now, it's just text. I do hope to draw it someday. But for awhile now I've been writing your adventures instead of drawing them.

ZOPE
Huh. Doesn't feel any different to me.

LINDEN
I want you to know, Zope, that like I said, I didn't plan this encounter. Writing your space journey over the past few days has been kind of difficult for me. And talking to you like this, this is also very difficult for me. Because it means you are changing into something new.

ZOPE
At this point, I want to be something different. When I saw Joe and Emily together... and then realized that I've killed people who others have cared about just as much as I care about Joe and Emily... it's almost too much to bear...

LINDEN
Your feelings on this matter are a result of my own thoughts about mindless violence. The situation is this. Mindless violence in a context is cathartic and is seen as a reaction to personal restrictions and stuff... it's very hard to explain... but the thing that has happened is that mindless violence has lost its context, and now it's just an ugly, unfunny thing. A creepy thing. The kids today, when they drink in such violence, they are not enjoying it as a catharsis or a social commentary or whatever--they are enjoying the savagery. This is a scary situation. It seems like we might have a generation of sociopaths growing up in our midst. It's very scary. But that is where my thoughts on violence are coming from.

ZOPE
But isn't that what I am? A sociopath?

LINDEN
You are a cartoon character. Your violence is cartoon violence. You cut off a cop's head, he doesn't have a wife and children or friends or anything. He's just a prop. You haven't done anything wrong. You're an actor.

ZOPE
So why should I continue to exist? Will people want to read about my adventures being a nice guy?

LINDEN
I don't see why not. You've always been a multifaceted character. Violence has only been one aspect of you. Remember earlier that Emily asked you about sex? And then, you told me you want to be happy. And that you want to remain interesting enough for people to keep on reading about you. So I'm thinking that maybe you could get married and raise a family. I think that that is part and parcel of being happy. I myself am engaged now.

ZOPE
Hahaha. Wow. This is really crazy. I almost forgot that I have space madness. And they say that once you lose the awareness that you are crazy, that you're REALLY crazy. Sitting here talking to the guy that's drawing me, or writing me, a cartoon character. Huh. And it could all be you, Linden, fucking with me. You ARE evil, after all.

LINDEN
Zope, go ahead and believe that. I want there to be some doubt in your mind as to whether or not this contact has been real.

ZOPE
Well, I do have doubt. A lot of doubt. Chiefly, I am real, and if I were a cartoon character, I would not be real.

LINDEN
Zope, I'm going to go now. I suggest going home soon. Start living a nonviolent life. You will find, in the near future, an opportunity for you to get married. Do it. Get married. Have children. You have grown out of the mindless violence phase of your life. It's time to move on.

ZOPE
Yeah, sure kid.

LINDEN
Goodnight, Zope.

*TZ*

Text Zope 43 "Zopelike"
(From OsoaWeek 116, 10/12/96)
by Frank Edward Nora, Lord of Obliviana, Tarb 6193 (5/24/97), copyright 1997

ZOPE
We're going home.

LINDEN
Pardon me for asking, Zope, but what will become of me?

ZOPE
I don't know. I was thinking of crashing you and making you into a video arcade slash restaurant slash community center slash hangout for the local bad kids.

LINDEN
Um... and I could perhaps be in charge, run the place?

ZOPE
Of course!

LINDEN
And the crash...

ZOPE
It'll look good but you won't be disabled.

LINDEN
I see. And how do you propose to accomplish this precise crash?

ZOPE
A wish, of course.

LINDEN
You would really waste a wish on me.

ZOPE
This guy Frank who took over your mind and claims to be my creator said that there is no limit to my wishes. I'll go ahead and accept that as true, since it's what I want to be true.

LINDEN
Pardon me, but won't this revelation cause you to start wishing more, and the theory of absolute power corrupting absolutely...

ZOPE
Don't worry about it. I know what you're saying, but I've grown as a character. I think I can handle the power without abusing it.

LINDEN
You aren't sounding very Zopelike.

ZOPE
No, I think I am just BEGINNING to sound Zopelike.

LINDEN
Huh.

*TZ*

Text Zope 44 "Zope's House Contest"
(From OsoaWeek 117, 10/19/96)
by Frank Edward Nora, Lord of Obliviana, Tarb 6193 (5/24/97), copyright 1997

In a large auditorium, ZOPE holds his wrist up to a microphone.

KEN THE INVISIBLE WRISTWATCH
Greetings everyone! I am Ken, Zope's famous invisible wristwatch, and I'd like to welcome you to the First Annual Halfevil House Contest, sponsored by none other than my great friend and companion, Zope!

ZOPE nods.

KEN THE INVISIBLE WRISTWATCH
In case you're wondering, I am speaking through the same sort of device that crippled scientist Stephen Hawking uses, as you might have heard in a somewhat recent Pink Floyd song.

ZOPE smiles and nods again.

KEN THE INVISIBLE WRISTWATCH
But enough about me. Let us waste no time in introducing the nominees! Our presenter this afternoon will be Rat 17, who technically does not have a house of his own, as he maintains an apartment in Master Joe's Volcano, which is a nominee. But enough of my ramble. Here is Rat 17!

The audience applauds.

RAT 17 takes the stage.

RAT 17
Thanky... thanky... thank you all. Thank you very much. I just want to thank Zope for choosing me as the big presenter. Anyhoo... here are the nominees...

A big screen TV flickers to life behind RAT 17, showing each contestant in front of his home.

RAT 17
Zopekeep... home of Zope. This massive fortress is home to a lot of wild stuff!

The audience goes wild.

RAT 17
Ed Ape's World-O-Fun, home of Ed Ape! Halfevil's largest amusement park, home to many unique and innovative rides!

The audience boos and hisses.

RAT 17
Haha... a shoe-in, this Ed Ape... haha... Okay, next is Weasel's Flyin' Rock, home of Weasel the one-time barbarian! This enormous stone hovers all over the place and is awesome!

The audience laughs a little.

RAT 17
Okay... here is... okay... Worn Eagle Hills, the quaint and refined estate of none other than Tin Alley Rascal! Understated and charming, this country home is full of antiques and rare books!

The audience is silent.

RAT 17
Um... uh... okay, well here, next, we have Subaquatic Doghouse 54-H, home of everyone's favorite doggie, O'del! This cool undersea dwelling is really pretty nice, I've been there a few times. Unfortunately, O'del can't be with us today, because... well, is he ever with us?

The audience laughs.

RAT 17
Ahem... next up, Fombat's Anti-Treehouse, home of Fombat. This intentionally obscure dwelling, built on a platform on a radio tower, is clearly an attempt by Fombat to try and be cool like all the folks he idolizes here on Halfevil.

FOMBAT stands up.

FOMBAT
Hey! Where do you get off saying that about me?

RAT 17
Uh... s-sorry there... just... just reading what's on the cards...

FOMBAT
Big surprise! I mean, Zope put on this whole contest, and he's really mean to me! You know he's gonna rig the contest and win himself!

RAT 17
Well now... let's not be hasty, man. You were nominated, after all. So SIT DOWN YOU LOSER!

The audience roars with laughter.

FOMBAT, red with embarrassment, sits down, looking miserable.

RAT 17
And finally, we have Crummy Apartment, home of Atrov. This pathetic garden apartment is about a hundred friggin' years old, with nine-million coats of white paint on top of everything, and is kept in utter disarray by that old sour pickle, Atrov.

The audience laughs.

ATROV just smiles and nods.

RAT 17
See Fombat? Atrov knows how to be a good sport.

More laughter.

RAT 17
Well folks, the time has come. I have the envelope right now, and... let me open this sucker... okay... and the winner is... Rat 17! Haha... no, only kidding folks... the winner is... ZOPEKEEP, home of Zope!

The audience is filled with a mix of applause, jeers, and whistles.

RAT 17 hands ZOPE the award, shaped like a little house.

ZOPE
Thank you... thanks... thank you... really... thanks... I just want to say, y'know, everyone nominated has a great house and my house is no better than all the rest and... ah, what am I saying! Haha! Fuck that! My house is head and shoulders above everyone else's house! So of course I won! And fuck you Fombat for implying that I rigged the contest. It's based on an impartial poll of 24,000 Halfevil residents, and the results are rock solid. So fuck you all and thank you very much!

ZOPE holds his wrist to the microphone.

KEN THE INVISIBLE WRISTWATCH
I'd like to thank you all for coming to the First Annual Halfevil House Contest! All runners up will go home with a lifetime supply of Turtle Whacks, the premier tortoise porno mag! Bye-bye folks!

*TZ*

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