|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- TRANSCTIPTIONS 1--THE MEETING ZOPE 33 --------  ||  Zope  ||  Classic Zope  ||  -------> (Cup ZPza001, Created v3 (10/3/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ------------------- "Meet Zope" 6/12/86 ----------- ZOPE HI KIDS!!! Zope holds up a "peace sign" with his fingers. ZOPE I'm Zope, your worst nightmare, heh. ZOPE spreads out his arms. ZOPE Welcome to my home, Zopekeep, where zany and unnecessarily violent antics can and do happen. ZOPE points toward something. ZOPE Take for example, this: Doctor Jones in an airtight room. DOCTOR JONES (wearing a little badge that reads "SJ") * help! * ZOPE pulls a lever. ZOPE Now I release 800 rabid vampire bats into the room... heh heh *FLAP FLAP LAP FLAP * *BITE SUCK BITE SUCK * * A A A R G H H ! * *AARGH. Screech Ahhh! * *AAAA! Screech, Yowch!* *Spurt Suck FLAP Yow!* * Y E E E A A A R G H . . . . . . . . .* *Flap Flap Flap Flap* ZOPE Doctor Jones is NOT having a good time! ZOPE smiles broadly. ZOPE BUT I AM! ZOPE holds up a submachinegun. ZOPE And that reminds me, it's Ed Ape's birthday. I hope he likes my present! At Ed Ape's World-O-Fun... ED APE A birthday present from Zope! What could it be? *RRRRIPPPP!* ED APE PIG ENTRAILS! *sigh* ------------------- "Hi-Res Meet Zope" * 1988 ----------- ZOPE HI KIDS!!! Zope holds up a "peace sign" with his fingers. ZOPE I'm Zope, your worst nightmare, heh. ZOPE spreads out his arms. ZOPE Welcome to my home, Zopekeep, where zany and unnecessarily violent antics can and do happen. ZOPE points toward something. ZOPE Take for example, this: Doctor Jones in an airtight room. DOCTOR JONES (wearing a little badge that reads "SJ") * help! * ZOPE pulls a lever. ZOPE Now I release 800 rabid vampire bats into the room... heh heh *FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP * *BITE SUCK BITE SUCK * * A A A R G H H ! * *AARGH. Screech Ahhh! * *Spurt Suck FLAP Yow!* * Y E E E A A A R G H . . . . * *Flap Flap Flap Flap.* ZOPE Doctor Jones is NOT having a good time. ZOPE smiles broadly. ZOPE BUT I AM! ZOPE holds up a submachinegun. ZOPE And that reminds me, it's Ed Ape's birthday. I hope he likes my present. At Ed Ape's World-O-Fun... ED APE A birthday present from Zope! What could it be? *RRRRIPPPP!* ED APE PIG ENTRAILS! *sigh* ------------------- "A Guide to Some Zope Characters" 5/29/91 ----------- "Master Joe" "Weasel" "Tin Alley Rascal" "Atrov" "Ed Ape" "Zope" ------------------- "The History of the Hair of Zope" 12/8/93 ----------- At first, Zope's hair was short. Then, Zope grew his hair until it got real long and stood straight up. He wore a mustache as Blacksmith Zope. Then Zope swallowed a live hand grenade while babysitting and died. GOD Come into the light, my child. ZOPE Fuck you, you fuckin' goddamn bitch! After giving God a piece of his mind, Zope wished himself back to life, but he kept his Deadzope hair! ZOPE Cool. Zope grew the mustache again to become Lester Gulpem, beverage expert. And that is the hair history of everyone's favorite character, Zope! ------------------- "Zope's Little Puppet" 1988 ----------- (Zope smiles as he looks at Pezo, a little doll of himself, on his shoulder.) WEASEL What the hell is that, Zope? ZOPE It's my little buddy--his name's Pezo. WEASEL Huh! What is it, some sort of pupper or something? Eh? PEZO LICK A SNAIL, POO-POO HEAD. ZOPE See, you insulted him, Wease. Apologize. PEZO HISSSS... WEASEL But... but it's just a toy. Why is it hissing at me? PEZO FURRY ASS, DROP DEAD, YOU MORON, SPAZZ. WEASEL Now c'mon! This is getting annoying, dammit! PEZO SMELL MY FEET. GO TO BLAZES. YOUR MOM WEARS PLUTONIUM SOCKS. URINE. WEASEL Zope... ZOPE Cool yer jets, Weeze. This is just Pezo's way of making friends. Isn't that right, Pezo? PEZO HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... ------------------- "Zope's Little Buddy" 10/21/93 ----------- (Zope stands with Pezo (a little doll of himself) on his shoulder.) PEZO DIE IN AGONY, LOW I.Q. FUCKER. ATROV What's that on your shoulder Zope, a funny new toy? ZOPE No, he's my little buddy, Pezo. Say hi to Atrov, Pezo. PEZO SQUIRM IN SNOT, SHELLY. ATROV Hey! I don't know what you're up to, but I don't like being insulted. PEZO HISSS HISSS Atrov Gimme that thing--I'll rip it in half! ZOPE whips out a submachinegun and points it at ATROV's head. ZOPE No one hurts my friend! PEZO BLAST HIS CRUSTY SKULL; FLUSH HIS WORTHLESS HIDE IN THE SHITHOLE. HISSSSS... ZOPE Get out of here, Atrov. You used to be my friend, but now my only friend is Pezo. PEZO Hisss... ------------------- "Game Zope" * August, 1992 ----------- TIN ALLEY RASCAL Zope--I'd like to teach you a delightful card game--whist! ZOPE I'll teach you a game first. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Oh yes? What game might that be, my friend? ZOPE The game of "Meet Mr. Lead Pipe!" ZOPE bashes TIN ALLEY RASCAL in the head with a lead pipe. ------------------- "Zope's Boasting on Matters of Molten Materials" 11/6/93 ----------- TIN ALLEY RASCAL Ah Zope! So good to see you out & about after your accident! ZOPE Screw you, Tin Alley Rascal--it wasn't an accident, I melted the 26 backhoes and frolicked in their molten remains just for laughs. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Stuff and nonsense! Are you mad? ZOPE (splashing pail of molten steel onto TIN ALLEY RASCAL) Liquid steel is fun to play with--here, have some! TIN ALLEY RASCAL AAAAHH! NO!!! TIN ALLEY RASCAL is burnt to a crisp by the molten steel. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Grgl grgl. ZOPE Watsa matter? Can't take a few thousand degrees, you miserable weakling? ZOPE (drinking molten metal) I can drink it too, see? ZOPE (dropping a drop of molten metal into his eye with an eyedropper) And use it as eyedrops! Aren't you impressed. TIN ALLEY RASCAL, burnt to a crisp, makes *FZZZ FZZZ* noises. ------------------- "Zope in the Street" 2/21/89 ----------- ZOPE (standing by a road) I am very tired. I am screwed. ZOPE sees a car coming. ZOPE But here comes a car. Good. Zope holds out a sign reading "STOP FUCKER". ED APE (driving car, and thinking) What's this? ED APE stops next to ZOPE with a screech. ED APE Well well if it isn't Zope. ZOPE Cut the wise cracks and gimme a ride to the airport, Ed Ape you fuckhead. ED APE Ask me nice and maybe I'll consider it. ZOPE Eat shit asshole and let me in. ED APE pulls away. ED APE See you later. ZOPE CINDER BLOCK! ZOPE throws a cinder block at ED APE'S car. BOOM! It hits, destroying the car. ZOPE Haha. ------------------- "Waiting for the Strange Truck of the Citrus Deity" 11/6/93 ----------- ZOPE (holding a hammer) Hey Ed Ape--what if I were to bash your elbows into pulp, eh? ED APE Getting creative, Zope? It's usually my skull you wanna smash. ZOPE I wanna see you die in agony, Ape! ED APE All in good time, my friend. But for now we must wait for the Citrus Deity to drive by so we can steal his truck. ZOPE I don't know how I let you talk me into this--all I can say is he better show up. ED APE Now Zope--I told you I needed someone as strong and tough as you help me kill the Citrus Deity--and with his truck... we can drive into the Land of the Gods and kill some more of 'em & steal their stuff! ZOPE How 'bout I kill you first, then the grapefruit head? Hmm? ED APE WHO!?! LEMON DEMON I'm just a little Lemon Demon--but you may as well kill Ed, Zope--my boss ain't coming! ------------------- "Meet Lester Gulpem" * 5/29/91 ----------- Zope creates a new line of beverages, "Gulpem". LUMMY, "Pancake Beverage" (Net. Wt. 8 oz.) SQUOTHA, "Hash Brown Beverage" (Net. Wt. 6 oz.) HANDER, "Pasta Beverage" (Net. Wt. 7 oz.) EXISTY!, "Pretzel Beverage" (Net. Wt. ? oz.) TEBBLE, "Eggplant Parm Beverage" (Net. Wt. 9 oz.) WEASEL Another one of your get rich quick schemes, Zope? "Designer beverages"? ZOPE I am not Zope. I am... Lester Gulpem, Saviour to the Parched Masses. ------------------- "Veal-Ammonia-Marshmallow" * 11/18/93 ----------- ZOPE Rat 17, my little assistant, is the new beverage display ready? RAT 17 Why yes it is Zope--just let me pull this lever... ZOPE I'm Lester Gulpem, not "Zope". How dare you forget my name you tiny bastard!!! RAT 17 S-S-S-Sorry, L-L-L-Lester. W-Well, here it i-i-is... FRA, "Olive & Strawberry Beverage" THIDS, "Marzipan Beverage" EALNUE, "Mustard Beverage" BLALE, "Succotash Beverage" XOB, "Leather Beverage" ZOPE Brilliant. Absolutely brillian. I've outdone myself this time. RAT 17 Yeah Zo-- I-- I mean Lester. Leaving out the Veal-Ammonia-Marshmallow flavor was also a good idea. ------------------- "Zope's Resin Conundrum" 1/17/93 ----------- MASTER JOE What the hell is that pile of crap in your front yard, Zope? ZOPE Eh? Soon... MASTER JOE and ZOPE are outside, by a shiny mound of some sort of material. ZOPE Shit! It's a big hunk of resin! It's the work of Ed Ape! But I'll show him! Later! ED APE looks upset as he watches TV. NEWS ANCHOR ON TV ...and sales of Zope's "Pet Resin" have just topped the $3 million mark! ------------------- "A Failure in Brainwashing" * 5/29/91 ----------- MASTER JOE Hey Zope, let's get the hell outta here. ZOPE Okay. But let me say goodbye to Sri Lisademolish first, Joe. ZOPE approaches Sri Lisademolish. ZOPE Hey Lisademolish--we're leaving. Bye-bye. SRI LISADEMOLISH Farewell Zope. We're having a prayer lunch next week. Please come. ZOPE Ah well, I dunno. I'm kinda busy these days. SRI LISADEMOLISH Please come. ZOPE To tell you the truth, Sri, I'm not into your religion. We just come for the free food and the sexy babes. SRI LISADEMOLISH Please come. MASTER JOE Aw Zope--don't tell him that. ------------------- "Zope's Blacksmith Craziness" August/September 1988 ----------- (ZOPE wears a mustache as Blacksmith Zope) ZOPE (singing & banging hammer on anvil) Killing is good if you do it with wood! ZOPE raises his hammer. ZOPE (still singing) Involute. O'DEL in distance) Hey Zope! ZOPE (turning around as he's bringing the hammer down) Huh? *SKRAK* ZOPE accidentally smashes his hand with the hammer. ZOPE AAAAAH! O'DEL What's wrong? ZOPE (yelling and holding up his swollen hand) O'DEL, YOU MORON! O'DEL Oh, you killed your hand, sorry. But I have a message from the king. ZOPE (holding hammer threateningly) I want no message. Just get out or die. O'DEL He says that you should scrap the 300 ft. high statue of his eyelash you've been working on these 8 months. Also, your girlfriend left you for the court jester. ZOPE bashes himself on the head with his hammer. ZOPE (eyes X'd out) How nice. ------------------- "Original Zope in The Mystery of the Big Clock" 11/18/86 ----------- Zope visits Eurotowne to buy Brillo, gasoline, and Spam. Here, everybody runs their life according to the Big Clock. This clock is so big that you can see it anywhere in town, so nobody wears a watch. ZOPE (thinking to himself) Assholes! As Zope walks along, he sees a horribly deformed little midget... HORRIBLY DEFORMED LITTLE MIDGET Meesta, get outta town, meesta. Some bed shit's comin' down! ZOPE Shut yer trap, ya little... Suddenly a *KRASH!!!* is heard. ZOPE Huh? What the... Uh oh! The big clock has started running backwards real fast and everyone's goin' nuts! Zope is caught in the middle of a rioting crowd! ZOPE Oh, dear... ZOPE starts to shoot his gun. ZOPE Help me, Mr. Uzi! Yow! *RATATA-TATATATA-TATATATA-ATATA-ATTATAAT* Zope is slaughtering a whole lot of people, but he realizes the cause of it all... ZOPE That goddamned clock! Soon... ZOPE Huh! This 5-kiloton nuclear device should do the trick! *KA-NUKO!* ZOPE nukes the Big Clock. ZOPE Whoops! ------------------- "Zope and the Horrible Fate of the Monroe Doctrine" 10/11/93 ----------- ZOPE Ah. ZOPE looks at INTERDIMENSIONAL DEMON 54. ZOPE My little pet Interdimensional Demon--go get me the Monroe Doctrine, you little freak! INTERDIMENSIONAL DEMON 54 Hoo haw hoo haw! MASTER JOE Zope, those demons of yours sure are weird little fuckers. ZOPE Yeah, but they're useful--you'll see, Joe! Later. ZOPE (grabbing document from INTERDIMENSIONAL DEMON 54) Gimme that and go back to your pod, you deformed shit! *CRINKLE CRINKLE CRINKLE* MASTER JOE Zope, why are you crinkling up the Monroe Doctrine? It's valuable! ZOPE So it won't hurt when I wipe my ass with it. Now that I have demons, I'll never have to use regular toilet paper again--I can use all important documents! ------------------- "Zope's Pine DNA Cafe" 1/17/93 ----------- ZOPE How 'bout a piping hot bowl of pure pine DNA, Weasel? WEASEL Okay, I guess. But how do you make it, Zope. Eh? ZOPE Every bowl is made from 6,500 old growth majestic pines. My pet Interdimensional Demons swarm over national parks and drain all the DNA from the trees! *SLURP!* WEASEL Tastes like weak grape Jell-O. ZOPE Damn! Well, I guess I'll try oak next. ------------------- "Activision Zope" * 2/6/91 ----------- ZOPE Hiya Ed Ape! ED APE Well hello there Zope! What can I do for you? ZOPE Cut the crap. I want my Atari back RIGHT NOW!!! ED APE Okay Zope, but I busted all your Activision cartridges except for "Kaboom". ZOPE does not look pleased. ------------------- "Zope's Clone Fun" * August 1992 ----------- ED APE Hello, Zope. ZOPE Ed Ape! You're dead, man! ED APE Now let's not be hasty--I didn't disintegrate your clone of Stephen Hawking on purpose. ZOPE Now I'll never be able to build my unified field toilet. ED APE I'll loan you my clone of Don Adams--you can at least do a "Tennessee Tuxedo" bit on your answering machine. ZOPE does not look at all happy. ------------------- "Doctor Zope and the Abdomen Ghoul" 10/21/93 ----------- DOCTOR ZOPE What seems to be your problem, young Fombat? FOMBAT My stomach hurts like hell, Dr. Zope. DOCTOR ZOPE Get on the examination slab and let's see what your fucking malady is. Soon... DOCTOR ZOPE (holding knife, and looking at a little snakelike monster sticking its head out of Fombat's cut-open belly) Aha! You have an abdomen ghoul, Fombat! FOMBAT (looking down at the creature) C-Can't you kill it? DOCTOR ZOPE Why kill such a nice little fellow? Let him live in your belly; befriend him. FOMBAT What about my stomach? You chopped up my belly with that knife! DOCTOR ZOPE Don't worry--your ghoul will fix you all up with his special healing saliva! ------------------- "Van Zope" * 5/29/91 ----------- The back of a van on the side of the highway early one misty morning... ATROV Hey Zope--there's a car coming--it might be them. ZOPE Hey--keep it down Atrov--I'm watchin' Mary Poppins here. ATROV Oh really! Can I watch too? ZOPE Yeah--but keep quiet--and keep an eye on the road, dude. ATROV Okay! Soon... ZOPE Y'know Atrov--that little girl Jane Banks is pretty cute--and she must be grown up by now. I'd like to do her. ATROV I wanna do Mary! ------------------- "Cyberpunks and the Wrath of Zope" 11/18/93 ----------- ZOPE I wanna kill. WEASEL Okay! What sort of people would you like to kill today? ZOPE I don't know--what are those fucking creeps who stick computers in their head and live in bleak futuristic cities called? WEASEL Cyberpunks? ZOPE Yeah, that's it--let's go kill some of 'em. Later... ZOPE and WEASEL stand looking at a BALD CYBERPUNK. BALD CYBERPUNK Sleegeage half-mount acre zang, tad? 59? ZOPE (shooting the BALD CYBERPUNK) DIE! Soon... CYBERPUNK WITH GLASSES Virtual grid systems. ZOPE hold a bomb with a lit fuse, then he throws it and blows up the CYBERPUNK WITH GLASSES. CYBERPUNK WITH GLASSES AHHH--Grgh... WEASEL Let me do on! COOL CYBERPUNK Hang info intrezang, zulu mame. WEASEL (bashing COOL CYBERPUNK with a baseball bat) Hey you--DIE! ------------------- "Zope's Cool Shower" * 2/9/91 ----------- Zope's Cool Shower... A dial is seen which can be pointed to: TREACYFACES BITSTREAM CHARTPAK LINOTYPE LETRASET MONOTYPE ADOBE FTN ITC ZOPE turns the dial to "Letraset", which lights up. Then ZOPE takes a shower in the characters of many fonts. ------------------- "Zope's Ironing Board for Teens" 10/11/93 ----------- ZOPE (holding an ironing board) Check it out Weasel, my greatest TV offer ever-- WEASEL What is it, a surf board or something? ZOPE No dummy! It's "Ironing Board for Teens!" Just look... ZOPE (ironing) When you iron, it says funny things! VOICE FROM IRONING BOARD Stop burning me, asshole! ZOPE There's razors on the side to slit your wrist or throat for suicide, common among teens! The top of the ironing board is seen, with a cap on top. ZOPE On top, unscrew the cap for booze! ...and notice the "mysterious" code number on the side... The number "90210" is seen on the side of the board. ZOPE Well Weasel, what do you think? You know all my products are brilliant but isn't this especially good? WEASEL Well, the voice thing is cool, but the razors and booze are, I dunno, a bad influence. ZOPE Fuck you--I can do what I want, asshole. ------------------- "Cap Zope" * 11/27/92 ----------- Three average fools wear "X" baseball caps, while Zope wears an "NC-17" cap. ------------------- "Saddam Zope" 2/11/91 ----------- WEASEL Hey Zope--let's play "Operation Desert Storm"! ZOPE Okay! ZOPE (dressed as Saddam Hussein) I am Saddam Zope! Allow me to fire an accurate scud missile at the criminal Satan Bush! WEASEL (dressed as reprter Peter Arnett) This is Weasel Arnett reporting live from Baghdad, where we've just learned that a nerve gas factory bombed by the allies was actually a "cute baby seal kennel." ZOPE God is great. God is great. God is so fucking great. ------------------- "Zope's Awl Madness" * 2/9/91 ----------- TIN ALLEY RASCAL Here we are! ZOPE Great. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Behold the Superb Big Awl! ZOPE and TIN ALLEY RASCAL stand before a huge awl, it's tip far up in the sky, and the initials "SBA" inscribed on its base. ZOPE It's beautiful but what's that I see impaled at the top, Rascal? Your harpsichord, perhaps? TIN ALLEY RASCAL Good heavens! ------------------- "Zope and the Goddamn Lumber Thieves" * August 1992 ----------- ZOPE (thinking) I need lumber. ZOPE passes by a sign reading: "TINE BRET STATE FOREST, WILD LIFE PRESERVE" SOON... ZOPE stands with rifle and chainsaw. ZOPE Okay all you wild animals--let's see who tries to steal my wood this time! SOME SORT OF WILD ANIMAL That Zope is so touchy about people stealing his wood! ------------------- "The Bad President" * 1992 ----------- TV VOICE ...and we can now declare Bill Clintom the winner with a clear electorial landslide... ZOPE (rather upset) Crap. ------------------- "The Comazope Affair" September 1987 ----------- At a local "Soybust" restaurant, Zope orders his favorite drink, a "diesel fuel and tonic". (Stirred, not shaken, in a matted-camel-hair cup.) At "Soybust South", they serve a rudimentary soy paste which the chefs, or "Soyboys", shape into busts, or "head and shoulder statues", of famous people, actors, kings, etc. Zope decides on ordering a large "Abraham Lincoln". As he stares out the window at the sunny, turn-of-the-century style street outside, he wishes to eat Abe's nose first. Across the street Zope spots a bright yellow half-cat, half-dog. The waiter brings the drink, but this waiter is a dick, so he mistakenly brings Zope the wrong drink. He brings Zope a cup full of pure cyanide. Zope chugs down the poisonous cocktail as he turn his attention towards the mini-stage. There, he sees an "animadecapitated" (decapitated, yet alive) girl tossing her head around in an alluring dance. She is wearing Snoopy socks. It only takes a few moments for Zope to pass out, as he is almost immediately overcome by the cyanide. Now, whereas Zope drank enough poison to kill all of New Jersey, he is made of tougher stuff, and lives on, albeit, in a deep coma. Fade to black, etc... Dreamily quivering passage. Zope wakes up and finds himself in a home for emotionally disturbed children. He is in a wheelchair eating licorice gritz with chopsticks. One look at the ceiling and he's gone again. Flash, now later. An ugly woman wheels Zope into a group meeting where he can "openly share his feelings". Even though he has no proof, Zope is convinced that his subconscious mind is somewhere in Yugoslavia. Soon, in a dreary daze, Zope recounts "Th' good ol' days, runnin' cattle up Palmer's Canyon, drinkin' at the' saloon, carryin' a gun, killin' people, eatin' beans, etc." COWBOY ZOPE (in vision, shooting off two handguns) Less go! A light bulb blows up and all goes dark. After several emergency crews, the discussion resumes, but Zope returns to semi-consciousness. Later, the only words he can remember are "guilt", "reinforcement", "therapy", and "balls". After one more week, at around 4 pm, Zope wakes up fully refreshed and recovered. The late afternoon sun lazily plays upon his sheets as he breathes a breath of fresh air. Still smiling, Zope savagely rips off his bed post and begins a furious rampage, injuring children, killing nurses, burning medical records, and eating corn, cob and all. Later he goes home under the purple sky. ZOPE (bashing a nurse with his bed post) Fuck you bitch! THE END! ------------------- "Comazope Aftermath" 12/8/93 ----------- Weasel's Flyin' Rock... (a huge rock flying over the countryside with three windows in front) WEASEL Hey Zope, look down there! Isn't that the restaurant where they gave you cyanide once? ZOPE You know what Weasel, I think it is! I was in a coma for weeks! WEASEL Well, you know what they say, let bygones be bygones... ZOPE Like hell! Gimme those controls! Soon... With a *KRUSH!* sound, the restaurant "Soybust South" is ripped out of its foundations by a huge clawlike device protruding from Weasel's Flyin' Rock. ZOPE Everyone in that restaurant will pay for what they did to me 6 years ago! Set course for the South Pole Concentration Camp! Later... ZOPE (holding a pointer of some sort) I suppose you think it was cute to be eating in the same restaurant where I got poisoned. Well, as punishment you will all be forced to eat butterflies and toothpaste 24 hours a day! RESTAURANT PATRON But we're innocent! ZOPE Who said that? No answer? You will all suffer then. Your toothpaste will be laced with POLIO! ------------------- "Zope and the Box" 3/24/87 ----------- ZOPE stands looking at two little creatures. ZOPE Hmmm... MONKEY KID Velox Jap Novum. FISH BALLOON KID Loopie Loop Dingo Noodle. ZOPE What strange children. Where can their parents be? Eh? GIANT MOTHER sneaks up behind ZOPE. GIANT MOTHER GET AWAY YOU SCOUNDREL I'LL TEACH YOU TO MOLEST MY KIDS! ZOPE Fuck you bitch! Eat hot lead, shitlicker! ZOPE shoots GIANT MOTHER. *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* ZOPE C'mon kids, y'r mom is dead and you'll fetch a good price at the slave auction! LATER... ZOPE Heh, heh! 500 bucks! Those kids must've been real valuable! THEN... GAME SHOW LIKE WEIRDO Hey, buddy, I'll sell you what's inside this box for 500 dollars. It COULD be worth one million dollars! ZOPE Fuck off, I'm gonna buy too much Pez. ------------------- (The asterisk (*) after a title means that the name was made up after the fact, and that the original comic strip did not have a name, eh?) ----------- -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----